Silent Scream

Have you ever wanted to scream but know that it’s not the time or place? When it is ever appropriate to scream? On a roller coaster, at a concert, during a loud party…but what if you don’t have that space? How do you scream without alerting your neighbor or people outside? Society leaves us introverts with little means of letting our screams be heard. We’re left to scream so loudly that no one can hear us. We scream with a smile on our face, we scream with our calm voices, we scream with our eyes wide open and our tears held back. We don’t party, ride roller coasters we don’t thrive in the loud, we thrive in the quiet.

We scream so silently that others don’t realize that we’re shouting as loud as we can. You just have to be real close to hear us. Our screams feel. They feel like a tight hug when you want us to just let you go. It feels like rambling when we just can’t get our thoughts straight. We scream in a way that feels like not wanting to leave the comfort of your presence even if it’s in the presence of your silence. It’s no easy feat listening to the words that we don’t say. We scream by isolating ourselves with our bibles and our books and cry while no one is looking, we scream in our prayers. We scream so loud but to the world we are silent. But thank you Jesus because to you we are LOUD! You hear every word! (Psalm 55:16-17)

We’re not shy, we’re not scared, we’re just boxed into the idea that being loud is the only show of strength, which is something that we don’t model. Our silence is taken out of context because our rollercoasters are inside our heads, where we’re the only ones that can hear our screams.  However, when the screams become audible, we’re screaming over all the seemingly endless internal chatter and to a We don’t go looking for excitement because we’re already on the edges of excitement in our minds. The world wants to change us, but I challenge you to read deeper and understand that each and every one of us is created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). We aren’t all meant to be the same and God was intentional when he brought us to life. Our screams aren’t meant to be heard by everyone the same way. Understand that God saved with woman with blood. I mean, who would have known that she had that problem on the inside? But to God that wasn’t the problem. That’s not how He saw her and that’s not how you should see yourself. God saw her as His daughter, far beyond what she thought was her problem! She was willing to settle for the smallest part of Jesus’ robe to save her and he gave her more that she could imagine; a healing and a new name.  How’s that for a dose of truth?

Today, I pray that your screams are heard, whether they come from your mouth or from your inner self, let it be from your heart! I pray that you stay steadfast in your faith. I pray that you have an encounter with God today that opens your heart just a little more to receive and accept yourself as worthy as you are.

AS

This entry was posted on August 29, 2020. 1 Comment

No Means NO

There is a tiny voice inside you sometimes that wants to scream. As women, society programs many of us to be silent and to ignore that tiny voice. By God we are given permission to shout! Although, we’re called to “submit” don’t let anyone twist scripture into the idea that we are to stay silent for the comfort of others. The Lord gave you a voice! Your voice is a powerful weapon and anyone trying to silence you is NOT FOR YOU! We are worthy to be heard in the world; to praise, to worship, to rebuke, to love…to say NO and to feel safe! That is one of our many gifts from God; to lift our voice. Your no is a full sentence and does not require explanation, so don’t fear (2 Timothy 1:7). It’s the devil who wants you to capitulate (Matthew 5:37). Stand firm and use the voice God gave you. Speak the words he placed in your heart and don’t fear.

Today, I pray that your voice stays strong and that you speak boldly in truth and love. I pray that through your troubles or challenges that even if you’re shaking that you find the courage to raise your voice and say NO. Be safe and know you’re loved!

AS

Shadows

“Everything has a shadow!” these were the words that came from my 5 year old. It got me thinking. That’s truth! Everything has a shadow, except a source. That was a little bit more truth. It brought me to thinking that sometimes we follow things that are bright on one side only to realize that there’s a long dark shadow that we can fall into after following idols. That’s where we get disappointed, used, hurt, abused, forgotten etc. and that makes being a follower dangerous. No one wants to get caught in darkness. And when you’re stuck there for too long you get lost.

That’s a lot of bad news BUT there is a bright side. Jesus’ love is pure light and God’s truth is the source! (John 8:12) What are you following today? Does it have a shadow? Are you afraid of being a follower? Society wants you to think being a follower is useless. However, God doesn’t follow the rules of society. He wants us to follow Him. Why? Because the only thing that doesn’t have a shadow is a source! He is a source of light; a love that has no shadow. Light creates shadows so, as beings, we all have them. They are a part of us and that’s why we need to focus on Him and get out of the darkness. That’s why we, as followers, have to ask ourselves who we are following everyday. We need to follow the source, fix our eyes on things above! (Luke 9:23, Daniel 2:20-23) Get out of the shadows of others and into the light. The true light! Look up, open your eyes and shout, “Thank you!” Let the shadow that you be under be by the hand of God and his protection. Amen

AS

I am Here

God is everywhere and you are never really alone. It’s still a truth that I struggle with daily. It’s COVID season and I keep falling into the temptation of thinking that I’m not cared for but God tells us in Hebrews 13:5 that, You are not alone, I am here with you. So, even in this season of isolation, I should be assured that the Great I Am is standing next to me, always.

It’s wonderful to know that we’re not alone but it doesn’t stop us from feeling our feelings. Sometimes we feel lonely but it shouldn’t overshadow the overwhelming love that we have in Jesus. Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong, Ephesian 2:19-22. I have to admit that I’m feeling quite unloved and unlovable these days, in my loneliness. They’ve been hard and I don’t know what else to do but read. I easily forget just how important it is to reach out. So, don’t forget to reach out when you feel lonely or alone, because He is with you.

Remember that Jesus was not exempt from feeling his feelings also. He was in a human body so He knows your loneliness because he overcame it. He is a loving and compassionate Father. So, don’t be afraid to open up to Him and let him know what you’re going through.

I pray for my sister reading this that you be covered and know that you are loved and cared for. Jesus died for you, to get to know you! Rest in Him and know that you have a Father who loves you. Let Him comfort and restore you.

AS

Running

Where do you run when you’re scared? Some people run to their liquor cabinet, some run to other’s arms, some just run. Unfortunately, in our running, we sometimes run to sin. Where do you run when you’re scared?

Admittedly, I’m running. Running in circles, it seems. I can’t break the cycle on my own so, I pray. I pray that God reaches deep within me to break the chains that have me hooked to this cycle. I’m still a baby in my faith, but I know that the bible says that faith the size of a mustard seed moves mountains (see Matthew 17:20). How does that make you feel? I’m grateful for that. But how do we move mountains when it feels like the mountain that needs to be moved is deep within you? Where do you run? How do you stop? How do you pray? What do you do? I’m learning to lean into God and read His words. God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). There’s something else to be grateful for because God’s mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

I don’t want to run to sin and I don’t want to keep running in circles. I want to live, so I run to you. I pray that my sins be washed away and that I be reborn new everyday to try again. I pray this for you today too. I pray that you run to His arms and wash yourself with his word every morning and are reminded of who loves you! Thank you Lord!

AS

Not Too Old

I’m learning about women in the bible, their stories and how no story is new business for God. I often question if I’m too old to be doing something or if I’m too something to start something else. Am I too late to be a part? Have I missed my chance? Well, according to God, I’m not too old and neither are you.

This brings me to the story of Sarah. She struggled with God’s promise to give her and Abraham a son. She was chronologically old, at 90, and definitely past our modern idea of “too old” (Genesis 17:15-19, 18:13-15, 21:6-7).  Well past her child bearing years, she and Abraham were faithful and not too old for God. She was NOT TOO OLD FOR GOD! Not too old to be used by God, to show His power and create a story of redemption. How great is that? Knowing that you’re not late because God does things in His time and He’s never too late. He’s right on time!

Thank you Lord for watching over me and letting me know that I’m not too old for you. I’m not too anything for you and you are bigger than me. You are bigger than this world.

AS

This entry was posted on July 15, 2020. 1 Comment

You Just Wait

Wait, wait, wait….

Sometimes we think that God said, “No”. But like the children that we are, we have to accept that sometimes we don’t get a hurried yes or no answer. Sometimes we receive a, “wait”. Sometimes, it’s a, you need to go through something first or someone else needs to go through a pruning or maybe you need to go through some growing. It’s amazing how God works and I can’t even begin to think that I understand. But what I DO (or think I do) understand is that while I’m growing in my own faith the word -wait- comes  to mind with every prayer I pray.

It comes with everything that I question from, why are some of the most beautiful flowers so delicate…I love orchids and magnolias but I can’t exactly cut them and admire them anytime I want. I have to let them be and admire them while they’re there. I have to wait for them in anticipation to bloom and take them in without hurting them when I can. I take the photos, I take in the aromas, I take in the beauty and the velvety feel and appreciate the delicate nature of these flowers. That’s how I see the things that God has for us today when he asks us to wait. Waiting isn’t a curse but a preparation. It’s a phase that leads us into another season that allows us to take in some of the most beautiful things that we would’ve missed or unappreciated had we not been patient and waited.

Lord give us the wisdom and strength to be graceful as we wait on You to show us the beauty that you have for us on the other side of our wait. Let us keep our eyes on you and all that you are and not forget all the beauty that you unfold as we wait.

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalm 27:14

AS

Tonight’s Prayer

I didn’t get to sleep on time tonight and I found myself writing something that seemed to turn into a prayer. It’s definitely something that I do a lot of on my own but I find that it may be time to start sharing what I write. I hope that this finds someone who needs to hear these words and understands that there is no formula to pray; look through the book of Psalms. I just can’t get enough and I know there’s a lot more to read and learn but this is where I am right now…grated raw and full of thanks because I have faith that there is a healing that comes after.

Father, Jesus, thank you for providing for me. Thank you for providing for my family, for those who I love and for those who I have touched today with your presence. Thank you for providing completely. Completely with favor, forgiveness, kindness, protection and boundless love. Help me to continue to focus on the completeness of your works in me, around me, through me and through others all around! Move my eyes away from any lack I find in my life and cover it with your love. Remind me of your fullness and your grace and please don’t let me ever forget. You’re THAT BIG!! Thank you for today, God. I am grateful, thank you for holding me through my day and bringing me here. Please God do it again, like a child asking her Father; please do it again. I bring it all to you and I pray that you…do it all again. I love you more and more everyday. Thank you!

AS

Do You Know The Truth?

Do you know the truth about God? How about yourself? Do you know that you are unconditionally loved? Do you know that God has a plan for you, that to Him you are worth it, always. Do you wake up in the morning believing the devil’s lies? Turn it around and take it to God’s word and seek the TRUTH. If seeing is believing you’ll find it in the bible. But I have to remind you that we walk by faith not by sight. Take notes on your life and remember that there’s much to be thankful for.

The truth about you, the whole truth. That God sent his one and only son, Jesus, to earth to live as a man among men and to die for our sins (John 3:16). To wipe our slates clean, to open our hearts, to make everyday brand new. That’s pretty amazing! Give your life to Him everyday and allow Him to transform you.

2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

AS

The Biggest Little Step

Laying At the Foot of Christ

Forgiveness is HARD!

You read that right…IT’S HARD!

In the world, freedom is being free from chains or something physical that holds you down. In God’s world it’s learning how to forgive.To truly forgive. Things like anger, bitterness and apathy become your chains. They hold down your soul. Do you even know what that means…Bet you thought you did but alas, you didn’t and that’s why you’re still reading. There’s clearly a duality between a life in Christ and a life in the world that often times goes unnoticed. I know that I didn’t really understand this battle until now and I can’t even pretend that I truly understand it (and I’m not trying to understand). Now, watch me try.

Forgiveness is hard. It’s harder than anything you can imagine especially when someone has transgressed against you in a way that seems unforgivable. Whether their intentions were pure or they were outright selfish and meaning harm, forgiveness sets you on a path to freedom. BUT…it comes with a price.

Forgiveness is sometimes generalized as condonation and that you just sweep everything under the rug kind of like a reset button. Nope, not it (touching nose). Sometimes it’s a reason to go back into a situation that harbored the problem because it’s familiar. Again, not it. Sometimes it’s justification to just ignore what’s happened and become hardened and “move on.” Again close, but not really close. Because that’s not it. See what I mean?

Forgiveness is a process that you go through to not let the terrible things that hurt you keep hurting you and impose on the future that God has planned for you. You make the decision to allow God to radically change you and He does it. Sounds simple right? No, not simple. Go back to sentences 1 & 2. Re-read them as many times as you need to and meet me back here. Don’t worry, I’ll wait while you scroll…

Nice to see you back. So, to be clear…IT’S HARD!

And here’s why!

Remember that price tag. That’s what you have to pay. And you know how sales people always wait to tell you how much it costs for that thing that you really, truly want? Yeah, well here it is. The price is LIFE! That’s pretty cheap. But here’s why. Jesus already died for our sins so you don’t have to. You’re already forgiven in the eyes of the Lord. BUT, you have to go to Him and tell Him your sins. Tell him every single one and allow your old self to be released before Him. You have to trust Him to build you back up completely new. How amazing is that!?! Just check out the Book of John. That’s a wonderful story of transformation and restoration. How about the story of David? It’s AMAZING! I tell you what, if this is the price that has to be paid to be free then, be all in. Put your life at the foot of the cross and watch God move in your life. Be transformed into something new and shine that new light. Thank you Lord for your amazing grace!

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”